A Heart of Modesty Promotes Friendship

idolswomen-300x150There you are…

You and your family are going along in life and doing your routine only to be surprisingly met by an overly flirtatious, provocatively dressed female or group of, who are clearly dressed for ‘bodily’ attention – even her body language; seductive glances you see her making toward the male you are with, smiles, her overall demeanor / movements scream of lust toward those looking and more often than not, we find ourselves at an impasse; uncomfortable to be around her, starting to think of her disrespectfully – threatening her in your mind as you see your husband or son gaze at her body and so it goes…. Of course, we might expect this in public settings, worldly events and such but at church? It gives us ill feelings more often than not. Unless, we’ve become numb and just don’t care about it. Even so, this is an issue for us as Christians no doubt and so, as iron sharpens iron and as Titus 2 implores older women to teach the younger women to be pure, working at home and loving their husband and families, being self-controlled and all of that… let’s get this right together!

Drop Your Rock

Ouch! Perhaps, we are not outwardly letting this person “have it” – Inwardly, we may be seething though! Reality check- God still knows our thoughts – so we can’t hide there. (Psalm 139:4)

For some “fun” personal examination… Have you thought any of the following when you are greeted by this immodest behavior:  “Great, now my husband is going to be thinking about her all night,” “could those pants be any tighter?” “”just cover your butt!,”why would a doctor dress this way to see patients?” “Yes, you are blessed in the chest, can you keep them covered please?” and “why is she flirting with my husband or sons – just leave us alone” “I cannot stand this woman, does she even realize that men are lusting mightily about her in their thoughts right now?” or more personal thought – “I wish my body still looked like that, but why must she flaunt herself this way in public?” or maybe you feel pity toward her? I have personal experience with those thoughts, ouch!

Maybe that sounds harsh, especially when in written format – but we must be real and honest God knows, just keep it honest! Thoughts like that can reveal our own insecurities. They can consume us and make us unapproachable too because of the attitude it exudes.

We women do know our kind, don’t we? We can be polite on the outside- yet petty, rude, condescending, snide, crass, just with a single glance and even without reason! We can be real “cray” as they say.

PRAY WITH ME…. Lord help my sisters and I humble ourselves this day and onward so we can be a light in this darkness.

Not that we are dwelling on those thoughts most of the time, but they literally sneak up on us, don’t they? That is how the enemy of our souls often works and exposes our weakness when we are unguarded (1 Pet. 5:8) (the stories I could tell!) I’m as guilty as the next person and we easily cause division in our minds before ever getting to know this person, don’t we?

Thus, immodesty and the attitudes that often come with that doesn’t exactly say; “Hey, trust me – we can be friends!” From personal experience, much of it comes from insecurity. I have made a few videos that talk about this as well for you to explore if you like.

While we shouldn’t assume false motives of this person or “those people” created in the image of God, even IF that woman is deliberately choosing to cause this tension between her female kind and/or draw your husband or son away in adulterous ways (yes, there are women who simply enjoy being rebellious and seductive unfortunately so), however, as Believers especially, we must love her by caring about and praying for her heart to know the Lord, or gently approach – confront these matters as opportunities arise to present themselves and by modeling godly behavior in our own lives. Even if we are misunderstood. Where do we find the balance and peace about this issue so we don’t automatically see others in such a negative light?

Looking in the mirror first.

YOU may be the only Jesus example they see….

Indeed, many of us struggle with our body image and long to feel good, look good and be loved which is where understanding our identity in Christ is the beginning of true inward and outward transformation which is why Planned Purity has been established to spur one another toward Christ, encourage and equip the body of Christ particularly as women. I have needed the reminding and mentoring in my own life.

In fact, I was “that immodest girl and for a long time.” By the grace of God alone, Sanctification  heals our sin and shame because it is the work God alone performs in us as we truly begin to surrender our will for His.


Unfortunately, to our personal, emotional downfall we can be easily swayed by our sinful desires within us (Gal. 5:17) and those cheering us on in those immodest directions too: wanting to be sexy, young looking etc. We see so much of that – it’s a battle out there! As we clearly see culture’s influential fashion ideas which are thrown in our faces nearly everywhere of what beauty is “supposed to look like” it is difficult to shop for more modest apparel too… I simply don’t have the space to write about all of that drama. Although, there are wonderful alternatives (I’m not promoting burka’s or dressing as nun’s, please don’t get the wrong extreme idea) – but as we honor the Lord and other people – we can absolutely take time to seek out clothing and swimwear that doesn’t distract too much or draw attention to our lines / curves so much so as it highlights our face and heart for the Lord instead. Here is a start!

We have hope for this struggle….

Therefore, we must willingly, lovingly put on Christ (our heart affection toward Him) the fruit of the Spirit, as we choose Him first, love Him above all. This is a reminder that we were bought at a high price, in blood, so that we could be transformed and renewed – we are no longer slaves to sin if we are in Christ.

In a nut shell….. this:


Instead of hating on, being angry at or holding a grudge against certain women that cross our paths…. as we grow in maturity in the Lord, we learn that Biblical modesty really isn’t about piling rules on anyone’s head. It’s not about legalism, condemnation, judgment, or idolatry. Modesty is all about love. Loving and honoring God, and loving our neighbor as our self. It’s about the Gospel that redeems sinners as Christ puts a new spirit and heart in us! It’s really that simple when you think about it that way.

Beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to those who are weak.” (1 Corinthians 8:9)

Therefore, as women of faith, let’s help promote friendships and marriage, our own, as well as everyone else’s as we joyfully submit to the Lord’s authority on this issue and all others because we can mend our lives and potential relationships beyond our expectations with Jesus front and center!

Verses to meditate on (your sacred calling):

Modesty Lovingly Puts Others First (Our brothers, our sisters, and even those who are lost) Galatians 5:13, 1 Corinthians 8:9, Romans 15:1–3, 1 Corinthians 10:24; 13:4, Romans 12:10, Philippians 2:3, 1 Peter 2:17, Romans 14:13, 1 Corinthians 8:13, Matthew 18:6

Modesty Communicates the Purity of Christ and His Bride 2 Corinthians 11:2, Ephesians 5:27

Modesty Contributes to the Honor of Marriage  Hebrews 13:4, 1 Peter 3:1-2, Malachi 2:15, 1 Thessalonians 4:4, Song of Solomon 2:7

Modesty is the Opposite of Pride, Vanity, and Self-Centeredness (giving all the glory to God) 1 Timothy 2:9–10; Psalm 115:1

Public Nakedness is Considered Shameful in Scripture Revelation 3:18, 16:15; Isaiah 47:3; Isaiah 20:4

Modesty Honors and Glorifies God Ezekiel 36:23, 1 Peter 3:2, 1 Corinthians 6:19–20, Titus 2:4-5, 1 Corinthians 10:31, Matthew 5:16, 1 Timothy 2:9-10,

Modesty is Part of a Woman’s Call to be Chaste Titus 2:5


Further study indicates how males ARE effected by our bodies as females. As a wife and mother of all boys in various age ranges, I have a new perspective and appreciation for this subject of modesty from all angles now. It’s important to realize our influence out there, even with our own families! Ultimately, it’s about us and God/the Gospel that transforms us so radically, He gives us new affections as we trust in the Lord.

Therefore, let’s be mindful about our behavior and dress around our male friends, other women’s husband’s especially and our son’s too going forward. See videos and articles below, that explain clearly how and why men are effected visually whether we want them to be or not:

Secular Research confirms: http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/02/19/women.bikinis.objects/

6 Marks of Biblical Modesty – Excellent Study!: http://www.covenanteyes.com/2013/08/16/biblical-definition-of-modesty/

More Research / Survey’s and Results from men: http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2010/07/27/guys-on-immodesty-lust-and-the-violence-of-womens-bodies/





Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s